"If death meant just leaving the stage long enough to change costume and come back as a new character...Would you slow down? Or speed up?" — Chuck Palahniuk

Thursday, November 15, 2007

"The Art of Flame War - Condensed Version!"

If you don't know recently a few people in my circle of friends started getting harassing and racial quick comments from an assortment of wannabe nazi sympathizer assholes...sandbox neo-nazi's (thanks Dazzler). Well of course the New Defender of Freedom couldn't have that bullshit so I jumped right into the battle with these idiots. Now I know a lot of you think I should have ignored them (I got couple of emails to that effect) and let it go but my name on this bitch is 10-acious_D...I'm like a rabid pit bull when it comes to smacking down stupidity and I will never stop! NEVER as long as there is breath in my body. I also believe in giving it back just as it was handed to me, if you come calling me names, I'm coming back at you the exact same way only ten times more severe because I do not play that bullshit. No, I will not ignore ignorance because unchecked is how it spreads. Ignoring ignorance will not make it go away. Silence is acceptance in my book and I do not accept stupidity from anyone at all. I don't care who you are if you are acting stupid or saying stupid shit expect me to put the smack down especially if you go after my people cause you couldn't move me. I also understand that everyone is not of the warrior class and that is okay, if you are having a problem and need some assistance know that I am here for ya! Now I apologize if my actions might have caused you harm or to be a target of these idiot attacks, and I apologize for that but what stupid people do is beyond anyone's control all we can do is try to avoid them, if that is not possible hit em hard and fast because any prolonged contact with stupid people will ALWAYS result in having an adverse affect on you!

If you come at me to debate the fallacy of race without all your emotions and telling me what you feel, instead of know for a fact, I am all for it, I can have a rational discussion with just about anyone except for you stupid people. Please stay away from me if your stupid because I will let you know in no uncertain terms, and the rest of the world also.

It seems as though the first wave of stupidity has passed but since these creatures are stupid they will be back...Remember the Third Basic Law(s) of Stupidity that states:

A stupid creature will harass you for no reason, for no advantage, without any plan or scheme and at the most improbable times and places. You have no rational way of telling if and when and how and why the stupid creature attacks. When confronted with a stupid individual you are completely at his mercy. Because the stupid person's actions do not conform to the rules of rationality, it follows that:

one is generally caught by surprise by the attack; even when one becomes aware of the attack, one cannot organize a rational defense, because the attack itself lacks any rational structure.

So I expect the recent flame war battle that was waged over the last 4 days will start anew once the idiot's get there pages back up and running and there idiot friends back on board. Stupid people love pain and anguish and love to try to bring other folks down with them in there misery. However, I want to be fair and because we whupped their asses so thoroughly I thought I would give them a few tips! With them being stupid and all it gets kinda boring after you fire off a couple of real good bombs and they come back with some simple shit like "ooga booga nigger"!

So for you morons here are a few tips from your Unkle Nutz to make it more interesting for me! You probably won't get half of it...yeah that stupidity thing again, but hey at least I tried to level off the playing field for you idiots.

First things first, you can't win a flame war when your page is shutdown, so I suggest you pick your opponents wisely because if your deleted I can't kick you in the cyber nutz properly, plus I got better things to do than wait for you to get back online...Who am I kidding no I don't have anything better to do but the passion I had before you got shut down has waned a bit and I am off doing something else. So the first thing you idiots need to learn is how to stay in the game. Secondly, I got collection of tips and hints on how to properly conduct a flame war. Make sure you inbreeding morons read it good...

1. Tell your opponent that the argument is over, because it's degenerated into pointlessness.... doing so at the end of your post giving you the lengthy last word in it.

2. Predict the imminent death of the Internet. ("Film at 11!")

3. Call your opponent a Nazi.

4. Change the subject by pointing out all of your opponent's grammar and spelling mistakes.

5. Post some horribly vicious and insulting note about your opponent.... several minutes later, post a profuse apology, claiming that you'd intended to send the message privately to a friend.

6. a: Refer frequently to pretend hordes of lurking supporters, who have mailed you privately to express their agreement and gratitude...but aren't willing to come out publicly and say anything. (See also here.)

b: Accuse your opponent of trying to intimidate your hordes of supporters...add indignantly that you "will not be silenced".

7. Attempt to impress/silence your opponent by discussing your professional credentials and experience related to the topic at hand, which clearly make your opinions better and more correct than anyone else's...be vague about details if your credentials and experience aren't actually all that impressive. (Also known as "dueling resumes".)

8. Accuse your opponent of being overly sensitive, or suggest in a patronizing tone that they "must be having a bad day".

9. Claim that an insult or other rudeness was "just a joke", and suggest that your opponent has no sense of humor.

10. Claim that *everything* is a matter of opinion, that there are no such things as facts or truth.

11. a: Claim that facts are absolute...that there's never any such thing as dispute or disagreement about a fact.

b: Assume that everything you learned in college, no matter how many years ago nor how much a field has advanced in the meantime, is completely unchanged.

12. Redefine words to mean whatever you want them to mean. (Also known as the "Humpty Dumpty" defense.)

13. Refuse to look something up, if challenged to do so....no need, surely your memory is perfect.

14. Ask your opponent to supply lengthy and detailed references for their every statement.

15. Claim that if something works for you/your spouse/your kid/your parent/your best friend/your boss/your hairdresser's first cousin's dog's veterinarian, it will always work for everyone.... and if it doesn't, it's because they're not doing it right.

16. Tell your opponent that you've traced their IP address, and if they don't let you win, you'll post their personal information in the public forum.

(Author is me, with help from Elizabeth Shapere, and thanks to Melissa Penrod for number 16.... please feel free to submit your own additions for the list, should inspiration strike you, or if you spot an important 'Net flame war principle I've left out.)

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Thirdly, being the teacher that I am you know I had to give you some professional insight as to why & how these flame wars get started. The number one reason
is folks misreading the tone of a comment, quick comment or email...

The Secret Cause of Flame Wars

Stephen Leahy Email 02.13.06 | 2:00 AM

"Don't work too hard," wrote a colleague in an e-mail today. Was she sincere or sarcastic? I think I know (sarcastic), but I'm probably wrong.

According to recent research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, I've only a 50-50 chance of ascertaining the tone of any e-mail message. The study also shows that people think they've correctly interpreted the tone of e-mails they receive 90 percent of the time.

"That's how flame wars get started," says psychologist Nicholas Epley of the University of Chicago, who conducted the research with Justin Kruger of New York University. "People in our study were convinced they've accurately understood the tone of an e-mail message when in fact their odds are no better than chance," says Epley. MORE!

There is no winning a flame war all you can hope to achieve is total ownership of that person and them ending the flame by giving up and letting it go or you giving up and letting it go. On a more serious note and still part of that educational process I try to add to all of my blog post's here are a couple more great tips...From Hacknot's:

The word "argument" has negative connotations for many people. It is associated with heated exchanges and passionate disagreement. But your experience of argument need not be so negative. Consider that the word 'argument' also means 'a line of reasoning'. By approaching a verbal or electronic discussion, even a hostile one, with this definition in mind, you can learn to separate the logical content of the exchange from its emotional content and thereby deal with each more effectively. You may even find the process of so doing an agreeable one.

The following are a few tips and techniques that I've learned in the course of a great many arguments, flame wars and other "vigorous discussions" that may help you argue more purposefully, and thereby come to view argument as a stimulating activity to be relished, rather than an ordeal to be avoided.

You Can Be Right, But You Can't Win

At the end of a formal debate, one or more adjudicators decides which team are the victors. If only it were that clean cut in real life. A good portion of the time, arguments arise spontaneously, continue in a haphazard manner and then fizzle out without any clear resolution or outcome. When you cannot force your opponent to concede their losses or acknowledge your victories, it becomes impossible to keep score. Therefore you should not enter any dispute, particularly an online one, with visions of your ultimate rhetorical triumph, in which you lord your argumentative superiority over your opponent, who shirks away, cap in hand and ego in tatters. It's not going to happen.

So why engage in argument at all, if you can never win? Here are a few possible motivations, some of which you might not have considered:

  • To hone your rhetorical and logical skills - playful more than combative.
  • To get something off your chest
  • To gratify your ego
  • To restore the balance of opinion
  • To humiliate your opponent
  • To defend your own beliefs against a real or perceived attack
  • To learn about your opponent
  • To learn about yourself
  • To explore the subject matter
  • To protect your reputation against a real or perceived slight

Be Familiar With The Basic Logical Fallacies

Those not skilled in argument are often prone to employing logical fallacies and being unaware that they are doing so. It is vital that you be able to recognize at least the basic logical fallacies so that you don't end up trying to attack an insensible argument, or formulating one yourself. Common logical fallacies include:

  • Straw man arguments:Your opponent restates your argument inaccurately and in a weaker form, then refutes the weaker argument as if it were your own.
  • Argumentum ad hominem: Ad hominem means 'to the man'. Your opponent attacks you rather than your argument. If you choose to insult your opponent in order to provoke an emotional reaction, be sure that your insults are not used as part of your argument, otherwise you will be guilty of argumentum ad hominem yourself.
  • Appeal to popularity: The suggestion that because something is popular it must be good, or because something is widely believed it must be true.
  • Hasty generalization:Making an unjustified generalization from too little evidence or only a few examples.
  • Appeal to ignorance:Claiming that something is true because there is no evidence that it is false.
  • Appeal to authority:Claiming that something is true because someone important says that it is.

Knowing When To Quit

There comes a point when you want to exit an argument. Perhaps you've grown bored with it; perhaps it has become clear that your opponent's views are so heavily entrenched that progress is impossible; perhaps your opponent is offering only insults without any logical content. Here are a few ways of bringing the argument to a definite conclusion, rather than just letting it peter out:

  • Simply walk away. For online arguments, refuse to respond.
  • Insist that any topics covered thus far be resolved before the argument continues. This prevents your opponent switching subjects and responding to your rebuttals by simply making a new batch of assertions.
  • Ask your opponent what they hope to gain by continuing the argument. To what end are they arguing. MORE!

Last but not least The Flame War Survival Guide:

The following was found on the Cornell University Web Server

The Golden Rule of Flaming

Flames should be witty, insulting, interesting, funny, caustic, or sarcastic, but NEVER, EVER, should they be boring.

The Twelve Commandments of Flaming
  1. Make things up about your opponent: It's important to make your lies sound true. Preface your argument with the word "clearly." Example: "Clearly, Fred Flooney is a liar, and a dirtball to boot."

  2. Be an armchair psychologist: You're a smart person. You've heard of Freud. You took a psychology course in college. Clearly, you're qualified to psychoanalyze your opponent. Example: "Polly Purebread, by using the word 'zucchini' in her posting, shows she has a bad case of penis envy."

  3. Cross-post your flames: Everybody on the 'Net is just waiting for the next literary masterpiece to leave your terminal! From the Apple II Roundtable to X-10 Powerhouse Roundtable, they're all holding their breath until your next flame. Therefore, post everywhere.

  4. Conspiracies abound: If everybody's against you, the reason can't possibly be that you're a shithead. There's obviously a conspiracy against you, and you will be doing the entire 'Net a favor by exposing it.

  5. Lawsuit threats: This is the reverse of Rule #4 (sort of like the Yin & Yang of Flaming). Threatening a lawsuit is always considered to be in good form. Example: "By saying that I've posted to the wrong group, Bertha has libeled me, slandered me, and sodomized me. See you in court, Bertha."

  6. Force them to document their claims: Even if Harry Hoinkus states outright that he likes tomato sauce on his pasta, you should demand documentation. If Newsweek hasn't written an article on Harry's pasta preferences, then Harry's obviously lying.

  7. Use foreign phrases: French is good, but Latin is the lingua franca of Flaming. You should use the words "ad hominem" at least three times per article. Other favorite Latin phrases are "ad nauseum," "veni, vidi, vici," and "fettuccini alfredo."

  8. Tell 'em how smart you are: Why use intelligent arguments to convince them you're smart when all you have to do is tell them? State that you're a member of Mensa, or Mega, or Dorks of America. Tell them the scores you received on every exam since high school. Example: "I got an 800 on my SATs, LSATs, GREs, MCATs, and I can also spell the word 'premeiotic'."

  9. Accuse your opponent of censorship: It is your right as an American citizen to post whatever the hell you want to the 'Net (as guaranteed by the 37th Amendment, I think). Anybody who tries to limit your cross-posting or move a Flame War to email is either a communist, a fascist, or both.

  10. Doubt their existence: You've never actually seen your opponent, have you? And since you're the center of the universe, you should have seen them by now, shouldn't you? Therefore, THEY DON'T EXIST! This is the beauty of Flamers' logic.

  11. Lie, cheat, steal, leave the toilet seat up.

  12. When in doubt, insult: If you forget the other 11 rules, remember this one. At some point during your wonderful career as a Flamer you will undoubtedly end up in a Flame War with somebody who is better than you. This person will expose your lies, tear apart your arguments, and make you look generally like a bozo. At this point, there's only one thing to do . . . INSULT THE DIRTBAG! Example: "Oh yeah? Well, your mother does strange things with vegetables." ~ Author Unknown

I love number 12...so far I have only had to use it on two occasions. Once in a fight with this dude that was mopping the floor with my ass in Usenet over encoding mp3 techniques. I had just started encoding and of course Unkle Nutz knows everything but I later found out that they guy I was flaming with actually was on the team that started the technology. We became friends after that and he taught me a lot of good shit that I still use today. The second time and I still regret this one was with a female, which I didn't realize was a female at the time. I misread a comment she had left for me. I tore into her ass and really hurt her feelings. Come to find out that she was also fyne as a mutha, (future ex baby momma type) and I blew any chance at all getting wit her after that, but in my defense I thought she was a dude at first because of the pic. It was her brother's account...DOH! So I have to caution folks to know who's your enemy and who's just being snarky and since alls fair in love in war you can always shoot a message asking about the tone of an email or comment. Now there are a couple of ways to go about it, you can take the sincere approach and plainly ask, "Could you explain your response!" Outta of fear of looking like a punk you should shoot the person an email if you can. If not you can always go with the classic "Are you talking about me?!" If your almost certain that you are in fact flaming with one another you can hit em with a "WTF?"

I know a lot of you reading this are saying, "WTF Nutz" right now screaming,"Why you giving our strategies away like that!" Don't worry remember these people we are dealing with are the stupidest of the stupid fighting over skin color, so this handy guide will probably go right over there heads. Remember Flame Warriors it's all about the BURN!

Here is a link to the Flame Warriors by Mike Reed. They have a collection of the types of flamers that are out there complete with pictures and there flaming abilities, weaknesses and strengths. I want all my Freedom Fighting Flame Warriors to study this information so we can be prepared for "Total Flame War!" Ha! Oh and one more thing, i know the first response to getting a nasty comment is to go to the yahoo staff and get a persons page removed, however that is not how freedom of speech works. They say something, then you can respond or ignore them but getting thier pages deleted is stifiling their freedom of speech and only going to cause them to try and get yours deleted. It has happened to me once and it is a hurtful feeling if you don't have your blog backed-up and you loose all your hard work and effort that some of us put into our pages. -Unkle Nutz!

"The shroud of the Dark Side has fallen. Begun, this Flame War has.” -Yoda

Flame On!
The New Defenders Of The Flame War!


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