"If death meant just leaving the stage long enough to change costume and come back as a new character...Would you slow down? Or speed up?" — Chuck Palahniuk

Monday, August 22, 2011

Manic Mondays - My Mania Part Duex

I know I haven't been here in a while but that is because I have been dealing with matters of the heart and I am not going to lie my ass been spinning out of control but I got my perspective back and I need to tell ya whats been going on lately in my little part of the world cause it is some shit straight out of Bizzaro World! Planet Baltimore Shit for sure. Okay here we go...

I am not a tough guy it is not in my nature. I am lover! As a Taurus I am gentle, even tempered, good natured, modest and slow to anger except here lately. I will normally go out of my way to avoid confrontations and ill feelings. However, if pushed I will blank-out and lose all self control and you would think you have just been hit by a Cat 5 hurricane. Again I try to avoid that at all costs. Not that I am afraid because I am a big guy, I got muscles and I don't do dumb shit meaning dealing with other peoples hang-ups and stupidity. It is not in my nature to fuck with people and I hate it when people try to fuck with me because I am me. I put the "em-fassis" on try to fuck with me because you punks can't move me for real! Now I do look good as hell most of the time especially with a fresh fade and clean shave and the ladies love me and the guys want to be like me but I rarely say anything to anyone cause I don't want to have to hurt anyone or anyone's feelings. Plus when I do say something some of you people act real stupid. I feel ya staring at me from 3-4 blocks away sometimes so by the time you get to me I am trying to figure out if you're a fan or foe. Most times it's just a garden variety hater and I love you guys because if you're hating on me just from looking at me I know I am doing something right. If you're not a hater I know sometimes it's that look on my face, a mix of confidence and caution, but I am old old school I speak when I am spoken too otherwise I keep it moving. I may on occasion flirt with the ladies but for the most part I just look at you looking at me.

I have tried numerous times to figure out what about me that makes folks wanna try me or test my resolve. Maybe its the convinced look on my face because I rarely smile unless someone is telling jokes, I am wrapped in a chord, line or verse of music or I see some stupid shit. However, here lately a lot of people have been giving me hard looks, running past me in their cars and some of these people really seem to think they have some bearing on the decisions I have been making here recently. Uh NO! YOU DON'T! So stop wasting your time! I swear sometimes my life seems like some kind of TV "Sitcomdocudrama"! I say something in the place I am staying for instance like I am going to the store and all of a sudden the people above me start acting stupid walking back and forth stomping on the floor and popping out of they houses and seemingly following me, people trying to stare me down. It's really crazy shit! Yesterday for example I start walking to the 24hr 365 liquor store to get a pack of Newports and a 12 oz Heineken and all of a sudden there is all of this activity like little Indian girls (dot variety) staring me down while walking up on me acting like they are going to walk me off the sidewalk, cars with folks inside I have seen before mean mugging me rolling up on me and real recently the police rolling up and down eyeballing me. They rolled up on me like they had solid evidence that I was going to rob the damn liquor store I went to or to try to cop some weed or dope they way they was acting. Really?!? Cut it out! The same people that more than likely called you guys was smoking like the shit was legal when I walked past a group of them. Maybe they thought that me smelling it would make me break my sobriety and go get some. Haaaa! Then to top the shit off when I came home there were 3 squad cars and one undercover car sitting out in the parking lot. Then some Indian dude (again dot variety) was walking towards me like he was going to do something. Playing chicken with me. If he had of made any moves other than to get out of my way it was going to take all of those cops to get me off that ass!! Now maybe its for my benefit, but I get that tingling in my spidey senses telling me that either someone is calling them on me because they are afraid I am about to go the fuck off or some lame ass attempt to force some kind of outcome where I go the fuck off!! More Dumb Shit! For the record I carry one weapon with me at all times and that is my beautiful mind and it is moving 10 steps ahead of any of my body parts and most of you! So if you really think you have anything to do with any of my decisions stop wasting your time cause all you are really doing is pissing me off and wasting precious time you could be using to enrich yourselves or reading my blog so that you can have this inner peace and contentment like me.

So lets all remember the 3rd & 4th Basic Law(s) of Stupidity:

3rd - A stupid person is a person who causes losses to another person or to a group of persons while himself deriving no gain and even possibly incurring losses.

4th - Non-stupid people always underestimate the damaging power of stupid individuals. In particular non-stupid people constantly forget that at all times and places and under any circumstances to deal and/or associate with stupid people always turns out to be a costly mistake.

Since I am highly versed in the Laws Of Stupidity you can rest assured I will not deal with stupid or stupid acting people at all. If that is what is pissing you off about me, the fact that I won't speak or or even acknowledge your presence it is either because I think you fall into one or more of those two categories or I have already have had contact with you and are convinced you are stupid. So let's review...I don't fuck with people so I do not expect to be fucked with or fucked around, I try to avoid confrontations at all cost, I am not scared I just hate all forms of stupidity and fuckery.

Now that is out of the way here is who I really am. I enjoy art, music and culture. I have strong aesthetic tastes, meaning I love art, I am an artist and consider what I do here an art form. I love all things beautiful...Ladies...And I can find beauty in most things, although I am repulsed by all things ugly and or sordid, which includes attitudes and feelings. I love music with a passion unmatched and I have a gift for making music and I have always wanted to make music. I believe just like Bill & Ted, that I am going to be the one the writes the song that brings the world together and ushers in the new utopian society. I am a poet, rapper and writer although I get so disgusted sometimes I refuse to share my art with the human race. I know there is only one race of Man and that we are different cultures and colors we all still have the same basics needs and wants. Racism is a trick that keeps us fighting among ourselves while the elite rape and pillage the earth and justify their greed.

While I detest religion, another tool of the rich and wealthy, I do have a very spiritual belief system that does include a God just not that jealous, vindictive, cruel, unloving, uncaring god with the human emotions that the rest of the world fears. I literally cringe when I hear people say they are god-fearing when God is love and with so much pure evil that exists in the world today to be feared. Why not be devil fearing or in fear of these human demons that walk the face of the earth and commit the most horrific crimes daily? Not too mention that for the life of me I cannot understand why can't people understand that God, the kingdom of heaven joy and all of those good things are inside of us all. That WE are the most powerful beings in our world, predict our futures and change our lives. That it takes Us to want to change our lives and worlds for the better not God. Cause if it was solely up to God alone wouldn't he change everyone? I mean really what makes more sense...That some imaginary hand from the sky pushes us to be better human beings or we decide ourselves we want to be better human beings? However, this post is not about god or religion I will save that for later this is about me and my mania or lack there of so back to it...

I am a comfort creature and pleasure seeker and I like to have the best of everything especially good food and drink although I do overindulge on occasion and suffer from it later in the form of sour stomach and the occasional hangover. However, if you drink from the top shelf and leave the cheap stuff alone you rarely have to worry about hangovers even if you do have one or three drinks too many. In my case I get hangovers when I mix and match liquors or drink too many beers and have a couple of drinks together. Lately, I have been avoiding the beer altogether because it makes me feel bloated and puts on weight fast.

I can be a little bourgeoisie hence my love for material possessions and the finer things in life. I am generally a good law abiding citizen with a strong sense of right and wrong, but it is my sense of right and wrong not someone else's. I dislike people that litter especially when there is a trashcan nearby it offends my sense of beauty for nature. Planet Baltimore would be a much nicer place if the indigenous people didn't litter. I have a quick wit and tend to be more practical than intellectual however, this Taurus is very high functioning, intellectual sometimes bordering on the brilliant and excelling in the written word. It takes me a minute to understand the higher abstract concepts of math like algebra and calculus but I am determined to excel in every endeavor I indulge in.

On the darker side I can sometimes be ultra conservative and self righteous, brooding, unoriginal, rigid and hostile to change. Over the years though I have learned change is gonna come whether I like it or not. I can be judgmental, bullheaded, downright mean and unforgiving. Stuck in my opinions and fears even if it is irrational. I have a favorite saying about "it" and I do not know who said it but I think I heard it in the rooms of N/A, "If IT doesn't get better with you, you better get better with IT cause IT don't give a shit." My sponsor used to tell me that all of the time. I really try to avoid going over too or giving into the dark side and if I do give in to the darker me it is after several days of pushing from forces outside my control. I let a lot of bullshit go on a daily basis from people no where near my mental or social strata because I recognize it for what it is but after a few days of the same bullshit I will defend myself viciously and when my mind fires it leaves big gaping holes in my victims!

Now by nature I usually give people the benefit of the doubt until they do something to me and then I have to refer back to the 1st Law of Stupidity:

Always and inevitably everyone underestimates the number of stupid individuals in circulation.

At first, the statement sounds trivial, vague and horribly ungenerous. Closer scrutiny will however reveal its realistic veracity. No matter how high are one's estimates of human stupidity, one is repeatedly and recurrently startled by the fact that:

a) people whom one had once judged rational and intelligent turn out to be unashamedly stupid.

b) day after day, with unceasing monotony, one is harassed in one's activities by stupid individuals who appear suddenly and unexpectedly in the most inconvenient places and at the most improbable moments.

300 Million People In America, 299.9 Million Are Stupid!

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