"If death meant just leaving the stage long enough to change costume and come back as a new character...Would you slow down? Or speed up?" — Chuck Palahniuk

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

"Pookie, Ray-Ray & Nem - Episode Two"

Last time on Pookie, Ray-Ray & Nem...

The mosque, Honorable Mohamed Malcolm-Farrakhan X Mosque, Mosque #22 over off of Druid Hill Avenue next to the barbershop and the North Korean nail salon, where Pookie worshiped and re-upped on his bean pies and carrot juice was raided, his girlfriend Lunesta Alize Rozerem Johnston who worked at the North Korean nail salon, was telling all of his business on the news about how Pookie was sympathetical to the Talibam, ban "or whatever the fuck" as Lunesta put it and about how she didn't get her hair did, a Pineapple soda, some Butter Crunch cookies and some Huggies for lil' Pookie.

Pookie had finally gotten out of jail for his part in the bootleg bean pie scam that was ravaging the Nation of Islam at the time but while he was on lock down he found out he had sugar diabetes from eating all them dam sweet ass bean pies and drinking Rock Creek Coconut sodas and would lose his feet's if he didn't take them dam insulin shots...Pookie thought to himself out loud, "damn no more pork and now no bean pies!" "What I'm gonna dooooo!"

We open episode 2 with Pookie 'splainin' to his boy's what happened after they all ran and left his ass in the Mosque praying when the raid went down...

"Dig!" "See, the doctor says I got the suga-beetes so I know I shouldn't be eating all that sweet stuff and candy and shit because I know I am diabetical it runs in the family right..." "But you know me man I said fuck dem doctor's they don't know shit..." "Nothing a little shea butter and black soap can't cure." "What you mean you can't eat shea butter?!" "Man I been cooking with it and using it like regular butter for year's"! "So anyway I was supposed to bring Lunesta a Pineapple soda and give her some money to get her hair did and bring home some Buttercrunch cookies for lil' Pookie." "Dawg I swear fore allah I was on my way home".

"So check this out right, I am coming out of Little Kim's all night nail, hair and Kimchee emporium, where you can get designs in your head and your nails and a great bowl of Kimchee for little of nothing." "Soy sauce is extra!" "And the knockers rolled up on me, threw me all on the ground talking about I was the ring leader at the mosque and how my girl had told them about the plot to help the Talibam and I was like, "yooooooo she trippin' and shit dawg!"

"At the same time like I was on Cheater's and shit, Lyrica and baby Cymbalta was running up on me with Maury and camera's talking about I am her baby daddy, baby all in the background yelling you my daddy and shit...Gimme some money!" "So now I am on TV and I know Lunesta is watching this, because that is all they do at lil Kim's nail, hair and Kimchee emporium is watch Jerry Springer, Maury and Judge Hatchet on divorce court!" "Just like that my phone began blowing up, but by now the police had taken my cell and was calling people back who had called me..." "I heard one of them polices say, "Ally akbar in come free to you too!" and then laugh. The cops were asking me who Lunesta was because apparently "she really wants to talk to you dude", the white cop said. The next time she called he put Lunesta on the speaker..."See!" "I knew it Pookie!" "I knew lil Cymbalta was yours!" "Erybody was telling me you was fucking wit Lyrica..." "Did you get her hair did Pookie, did ya?!?" "I knew all that Talibam jihad bean pie slinging was some bullshit too!" "Let me talk to Maury!"

While the raid was going on at the mosque Ray-Ray was down in the sub-basement of the mosque called the "Lab". They called it the "Lab" because this is where they perfected their bean pie and ginger soda bootlegging techniques and printed out their "Final Call" newsletters. You could always tell when you had a Mosque 22 Final Call because most of the words were spellt wrong and shit. The rest of the Brother's knew Ray-Ray was dyslexic but they still let him edit the newsletter. Last week the Brother's was getting clowned because Ray-Ray had them trying to sling The "FInLa Call"!

Ray-Ray couldn't hear what was going on above him because he was listening too his mypod, a knock off Ipod you could get for $20 at lil Kim's. $24 if you wanted it to come with the bootleg movie of the week or some songs and for an extra $2.00 you could come back to lil Kim's and get new songs any time you wanted, $4 for a movie! Soy sauce is still extra!
Ray-Ray was fixin' to leave when he noticed the police lights and got low. Through the front window of the Mosque, Honorable Mohamed Malcolm-Farrakhan X Mosque, Mosque #22 over off of Druid Hill Avenue next to the barbershop and the North Korean nail salon Lil Kim's, He could see Pookie hemmed up by the police and tried to call him on his cell. A few seconds later his phone rang and it was Pookie or so he thought, he answered the phone on the second ring, "as-Salamu alaikum"..."Ally akbar in come free to you too!" Ray-Ray instantly hung up the phone and went back down in the sub-basement and out through the hallway that connected the mosque to the laundry room of tower 3 of the Fallstaff projects. While Ray-Ray was coming out the building he ran into his best customer, Mrs. Januvia Evista Johnston, the reverend's wife and mother of Lunesta!

"Lawd, if the Rev. ever caught me buying bean pies and reading Final Calls he would have me ex-communicated." "Btw, you seen Pookie?!" "Tell him Lunesta is looking for him when you do and to get that baby some butter crunch cookies and huggies!" Ray-Ray told her he would and gave her some dap, said, "as-Salamu alaikum" and she responded, "wa alaikum assalam in the name of Jeezus!"

Ray-Ray was glad he ran into Mrs. Januvia because he finally got his first sales of the day, made a little change and could get the cookies, pineapple soda and the Huggies. He knew Pookie wouldn't be able to get them so he was going to. However, Ray-Ray had ulterior motives for getting the stuff for Lunesta and lil Pookie...He could be the father of lil Pookie...

To be continued...

In Episode 3: Pookie, Ray-Ray and 'Nem Go to Maury!

Soy Sauce Is Extra!
The New Defenders of The Mind Numbness

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