"If death meant just leaving the stage long enough to change costume and come back as a new character...Would you slow down? Or speed up?" — Chuck Palahniuk

Monday, May 12, 2008

"Maniac Monday's - You Cant Make This Up #21!"


Florida has been maligned since 2000 and with good cause. Maybe it's all the sunlight, maybe it's fear of alligator attacks or the fact that the collective IQ of the state is about 15, but this has got to be the silliest shit I have heard about coming from Florida. Now I will apologize in advance for all you seemingly intelligent folks that used to live in the northeast and moved down there but something happened to you folks. Maybe the more progressive people are in Miami, but I do have a brother in North Florida and he has also fallen under the spell. From Crooks & Liars:

At least they didn’t try to burn him at the stake

Long-time readers know that I take a certain amount of pleasure in mocking Florida, where I was born and raised. There’s just something … unique about it.

Take, for example, a Tampa-area school firing a substitute teacher for doing a magic trick for his students.

The telephone call that spelled the end of Jim Piculas’ career as a substitute teacher in Pasco County came on a January day about a week after he performed the disappearing-toothpick trick for a group of rapt middle school students.

Pat Sinclair, who oversees substitute teachers in the Pasco County School District, was on the phone. She told Piculas there had been a complaint about his performance at Rushe Middle School in Land O’ Lakes.

He asked what she meant. “She said, ‘You’ve been accused of wizardry,’” Piculas said.

He said the statement seemed bizarre to him, like something out of Harry Potter.

Piculas said he replied, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” He said he also told Sinclair, “It’s not black magic. It’s a toothpick.”

Oh sure, it’s a toothpick today. But what about tomorrow? What will we tell parents when a substitute teacher starts trying to do spells? Or shows kids pictures of Willow from “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”? Or accidentally turns someone into a newt? Hmm?

As Piculas — who, as far as I know, is not a warlock — explained it, he got a call after doing his trick from the head of supervisor of substitute teachers. “He says, ‘Jim, we have a huge issue, you can’t take any more assignments you need to come in right away,’” Piculas said.

The disappearing tooth pick was, apparently, the “huge issue,” and led to the disappearing job.

Wizardry?! He was accused of wizardry because he performed a disappearing toothpick trick?! Are people really that stupid?! I can understand the kids being a little surprised or shocked they are middle school kids hooked on Harry Potter, but grown ass adults?!

Now they are allowed to use deadly force...yeah that should work out well. Stupid people with guns!

Florida is home of the Super Devil...


"Against Stupidity The Very Gods Fight in Vain!"
The New Defenders of the Disappearing Toothpick!

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